Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
