I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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