this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
