Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
