hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
