ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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