super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
