She went from zero to smokin in five shots
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
