it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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