that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
