Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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