if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
