You can't special order awesome
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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