so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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