I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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