Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
