I accidentally had phone sex last night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
