I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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