you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
