If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
