I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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