Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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