I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
