I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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