i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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