I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
