even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
