I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I checked into jail on foursquare
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize