right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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