we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
