But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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