Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
