Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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