when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
