if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
