Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
