That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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