I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
