Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
