So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
