I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
