and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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