I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize