Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
These tits shall not be calmed
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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