Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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