Girls should come with a carfax report
There was a lot of him and a little penis
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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