OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
