why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
