Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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