you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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