Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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