I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
