why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
