at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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