Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
