Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
