Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
