After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
