I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
