is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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