The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
