Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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