I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
