Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
