So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
