I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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