Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
