Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
