I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
