Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
