i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
