I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
