He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
