just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
