You really coming over, don't trick.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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