after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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