final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Green mimosas i think yes
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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