did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
