Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
