I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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