when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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