I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
