Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
And then he peed in my hair
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
