Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
