So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
