your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
