Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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