Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
