You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
